HELEN FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT

BRANDS HATCH

With only half a day’s testing booked, a proper, organised day was on the cards, out on track at the start of the session and get some hot R1R laps in fast. Bear was out on his 245 T1Rs, testing his new engine. I was on 225 R1Rs. The grip difference was apparent, very fast. Bear was at what he claimed was 2009 race pace, and I caught him by the length of the pit straight in three laps. Braking and turn in were so superior it was as if we had swapped cars.

On the exit of Graham Hill, showing this upstart how his big brother takes a corner, there’s a sudden and total loss of drive. Engine running fine, gearchanges OK, but no go. Coasted to a halt at the end of Cooper straight and await recovery.

Fortunately, it’s a rear hub. We had feared the extra grip was going to start breaking these, and indeed it is the first I’ve broken. Disassembly confirms it has sheared inside the hub where the driveshaft terminates.

We have run out of spare hubs. Clearly the thing to do is either spend £75 to get someone to bring me one, or buy a complete X300 which happens to be handy.

An hour later and the X300 arrives on the back of a lorry, and within an hour of that, Helen is back in action, albeit with the test day over. A very bearded marshall at this point tries to sell me his XJ40, but I’ve done enough acquiring of Jags for one day. Fortunate that we had brought an empty trailer down, but it’s not the car I’d planned to take home.

A late night with a few beers and we were naturally as staggered as everyone else to find Terry’s camper fenced in with wheelie bins the following morning…

To race day, and we knew with 36 Jags some clear air was going to be awkward, so we needed to be out first. To save time, we went straight from scrote to noise test, so that in the event of the usual giant queue in the inner paddock, steering round all the thoughtless wankers who block it up and make access almost impossible, with the engine getting hot and the driver losing his cool, we could do a Skeletor and cruise past the whole lot and get straight to assembly.

As it turned out, no need, we got there first anyway, I led Bear from Lezzer. The glorious sunshine of testing has become serious rain, and watching the poor devil in the Corvette trying to negotiate McLaren I was perturbed by the potential grip. I haven’t run the R1R in the wet before, and because my n/s/f was so worn already, I have my only spare on that corner, no heat cycle, nothing. How the shiny new tyre and its release agents are going to fare in the wet, compared to the other 3 or the T1R I know, I’ve no clue.

The first couple of laps were therefore ginger. A slow out lap was the plan to back the field up a bit and let everyone actually clear the pitlane this year. Last season the poor buggers at the back didn’t get a fair crack, they were still being noise tested as I started lap 2.

Quali showed that the grip was actually there, especially as the dryer line started to appear and I got used to the tyre. I was struggling a bit at Clearways, my gentle squeeze of the throttle had instead turned into an on/off switch, and I don’t really know why other than perhaps rusty driver. It’s true my throttle does odd things, there’s a complete hole in the progression at lower revs that we’ve never been able to diagnose, but I think it was more the fault of the organic component.

Either way, Clearways, usually my ace in the hole due to a really good, smooth exit, was more difficult than it should have been, and only late in the session did I make sense of it all. Sadly traffic baulked my fastest two laps, including a near-collision with Filipe Comer as we had a misunderstanding about whether he was letting me through or not. I thought so, and as it turned out, he didn’t even know I was there, he just brakes early.

I had said on test day that I always qualify 4^th here, and so it proved. Again. I’m sure I could have done better than that, but it’ll do. Next in D is Filipe, a second down the road, but he has a healthy margin to the next, so we’re in good shape.

Bear put it on pole, Lezzer does well to put his bald T1Rs third, there’s a solitary Palmer sitting in p2 in a sea of Kutuka metal all around. It must feel a little bit lonely when you’re parked on the outside of the front row.

To the race and we know it’s all going to be about the first lap. Bear is fast here, and in the rain he is going to escape Palmer, he’s just braver, and the slightly heavier car is working for him, it’s putting its feet down well despite the extra power.

Green flag and I try my usual 2^nd gear start, and the car won’t have it, the clutch slips. Either my clutch plate is tired, or the extra grip at play, but the engine roars without really making it go. The smell of old farts in the cockpit wafts in from the transmission tunnel, rather than the driver.

Lights out and a first gear start then, worried about the clutch. I actually got a flier, and I’m completely alongside Palmer, we’re three abreast, Lez tucked in behind Bear. I briefly consider a wall of death round the outside, but discretion and sense prevail, cut back and dive down Paddock then cut left as Lez goes right to look down both sides of Chris at once.

Bear goes deep into Druids, which puts Chris a bit wide and Lez is going tight, I’m going round the outside but with a bit of time to think, cut back and get on the throttle to get a run down into Graham Hill, going for the inside dive. That doesn’t work, because not only is Lez now going down the outside, but Bear has forgotten his downchange in all the excitement and slogging in 4^th, my momentum is taking me nowhere, and poor old Palmer is now in a Kutuka police-style rolling roadblock, one in front, one alongside, one behind, and wet grass to the left. Stew slips into second, I go wide and get a sling out of the turn, trying to now out-drag Chris down Cooper, despite knowing I can’t. Clearways presents another try, going wide and cutting back I go down Chris’ inside, all the way past, but eagerness on the throttle gives two wibbles of oversteer and I lose momentum, he’s past and lap 1 is over.

16 laps of very close, very clean racing, but I don’t know how. So close to Chris so many times, so many looks at his inside at Druids, or the outside with a cutback, or a dummy into Graham Hill. A few tries at his inside at Clearways, always with his eyes on the correct mirror and cutting his car into the right place to defend. He must have had the hardest job out there, trying to attack Stewert, who was driving completely against his nature, ie smooth and calm, whilst defending Helen’s best assault.

Had a pair of moments at Paddock, nothing major, but enough to make me wonder if I was going to at least sample the gravel, which dropped time and took a lap to get back. The powerdive down Paddock was the major advantage I seemed to have, the line and the grip from the heavy car let me on the power and driving hard down the hill into attack at Druids, something like a second gained in that corner to drag back the power advantage.

Nothing in the mirrors, this fight is for 2-4^th places, Bear is 3 seconds clear and dawdling, the pack are 20 seconds back, this is a private race. I don’t really have to be in it, D class is back there somewhere, but if I can make it through that’s a 1,2,3 for the team. Got to be worth a go?

Backmarkers provide great sport and opportunity, I’ve never been so brave with them. Looking out at the orange flanks of the Beecham car as I went round it at Clearways and praying his car doesn’t understeer, we passed two cars on the way in here, one inside, one outside, then round Bob, because I can’t afford to let Palmer escape. Usually I’d wait, but I want a red hat.

Really thought I’d got Chris a couple of times, and a couple more where I thought I’d got him, ie made contact, so close I thought I was pushing him down the straight, but it was actually totally clean. Great fun, and from the comments after the race, good to watch. Which is what it’s all about. A great contrast with the boredom of Snetterton, to dice for the podium in the rain can’t be argued with.

Chris practically bubbling after the race, complaining of a blue car in every mirror, clearly enjoyed himself too. He has the Kutuka-twitch back, that involuntary jerking of the head to an imaginary mirror. Poor boy fell asleep in the bar later and let us take photos of him. Bless.

Kutuka 1, 2 and 4 then. So close. Perfect points for each of us though, and we leave Brands with something new, I lead the championship outright. I’ve never done that before. Sweet.

Anglesey in two weeks, no damage, and no tyre wear this week!

Start

Castor adjustments

No headlights. Like a ninja.

BRANDS HATCH; THE RETURN

Didn't really work out here last year, let's try that again...

Injury of the week - carelessly diving in and out of the red car, the classic back vs door frame conflict. Really hurt too.

Helper of the week - with both the David and the Dermott on hand for some heavy duty trackside repairs, the Derm edges it by a nose, for managing to get an entire X300 delivered to the paddock like an oversized pizza.

Parc ferme. We still don't know why.

We might be a bit early....

Yeah, I'd like a meat feast, a mixed chicken kebab, and a 4 litre X300 please. Er, the free Coke please. About an hour? Cheers