FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT

January 2010

Having ended 2009 intact, Helen went into hibernation. She hid in the truck for two months whilst her hardy human symbiote toiled in the ice to begin construction of what will one day become her younger, faster sister.

But it's not all bad news for the old girl, with no other applicants for the job, Helen at least retains her name for 2010, and some of the parts that all the extensive welding and swearing in the cold winter produced are for her. With 70kg of weight to add to make her legal for the new class regs she's getting a lot of toys put back, but some additional beef adding to the body for some additional survivability should the inevitable ruffians strike.

It's a little odd to have to add the equivalent of a medium-sized accountant back into a race car, having spent so much time and effort to build it to the regulations in the first place, it's pretty bass-ackwards. Here lies the curse of being the only chump to have built the car properly, the great Snetterton weigh-in showed that.

Two ways of going about the weight gain, assuming that I don't want to eat everything Fray Bentos produce for the next three months. 70kg of lead formed into ballast blocks and precisely placed around the car would improve wieght distribution, but we already know exactly where it would have to go, and that's still a massive amount of weight to place in one location, it's just too concentrated.

So, add a lot of the original car back. Power windows, seatbelts, interior, seats, door cards, sill trims, speakers, stereo... It's over half the weight straight away.

Fitting the interior is not that easy with a rollcage not only installed but welded to screen and B pillars. The rear seat back goes in easily enough after I put a power saw to it, but it does mean taking out the rear window to get it in, it has to be squeezed behind the rear crossbar, and there's only room to do that downwards.

The rear speaker panels are huge sods, but with relatively minor hacking they go back without much effort. Yes, of course I put the speakers back. Need them for the stereo that's going back in.

The lower part of the back seat is much more of a challenge, with the extinguisher and extra rollcage in the way it has to be hollowed out and cut to fit. It looks like a seat, but it's not exactly stock anymore. Not that that's really the point.

All the interior is drenched in fire retardant spray. Not convinced Jaguar did that job to our requirements. We presume that having some interior fitted is fine by the MSA, the club wouldn't write a set of regs that weren't legal, so it's just an extra precaution.

Door cards are easy, as are the power windows, a straight fit. They do need wiring though, with Mr David's bespoke wiring loom in the car it doesn't have any provision for sissy-girl niceties. In fact, this whole concept of adding so much nancy-boy junk to a race car is a little peculiar all round, I'm fitting what was a perfect leather interior from my old V12 road car, and putting a saw to it, and that's barking mad. But it's just a reflection of the absurdity of the rules, the fact is I've been screwed by a change in the regulations caused by our own success.

That might sound a little self-important, but there's no hiding it, for the last few years class D cars have been riotously successful by comparison with their supposedly humble specifications. With two outright race wins for the class in the last 2 years the time had obviously come to slow us down. Hence the 70kg penalty. I'm calling it success ballast, like the touring cars!

HELEN PREPARES FOR ANOTHER SEASON OF COMBAT.

Most-played in the garage this week - Whitesnake

Injury of the week - cast iron fragments in the eye, and razor-blade wounds.

Helper of the week - the hero at Rotherham General who took said cast iron pieces out of my eyeball.