After weeks of secrecy, Kutuka rolled out Vanessa, the new team hire car.

An intense effort to get the new car ready for testing, including a rather silly 24 hours shift in the workshop, saw Vanessa completed at only 6am on Friday, and take to the Brands Hatch circuit hours later for her first tentative laps.

A quick systems check proved that we do apparently know what we're doing, and with nothing leaking or exploding, testing began in earnest.

As is now traditional for a new Kutuka 6-pot, she was introduced to the track on old tyres, rubber that we condemned some 18 months ago, though for those keeping track, tyres that incidentally won the class D championship in 2009. Actually, they also won the race at Anglesey, but we digress.

Point is, old T1Rs meant for a roadgoing class car, and in totally untried form, Vanessa was installed with our resident lunatic 6 cylinder test driver, and dispatched to tackle the hills of Brands, and just couldn't seem to restrain herself.

A test is meant to be a gentle shakedown, but the test pilot did unfortunately have a Webster and Comer out on track with him, and worse still, other cars that he recognised from testing previously and who tend to be extremely annoying. The shakedown immediately turned into a full assault.

Vanessa proved herself to be disturbingly fast. Packing a totally standard engine and on the wrong rubber, pitched against cars on full-width R1Rs and with a full 100 extra bhp, she proceeded to scream those tortured tyres round the track at a pace that made the pilot, ever a cynic, sit up and pay attention.

Fast, with a lively rear end, Vanessa spent the afternoon drunkenly waving her bottom at the scenery, but continued to spank anyone who dared pitch themself against her. A Ferrari pilot, frustrated at being out-cornered, promptly buried himself in the Paddock kitty litter. How we laughed.

An intense three-month build ends then in triumph,, and Vanessa is now cleared for duty. Seen here very much in interim test form and still awaiting some of her performance parts she is nontheless now ready for a serious spanking.

Vanessa will be in action for real very soon, either at the hands of a hire driver, or failing that, Andrew, who has discovered the joys of a lightweight, accurate machine, and vowed to destroy the whole goddamned world with it. Donington or maybe Oulton, but class E better be ready.

It's going to be legen - wait for it - dary.

AND FINALLY

Our Christmas was shit. We hope yours was too.