PART 3 - THE CURE

This project is not quite what we intended then, it’s not just a quick look round and a careful and selected tuning of various components, it’s not far off prepping a class D car from scratch. If you’ve got to weld a cage in, refit seat, extinguisher, and rebush the subframes, fit shocks and springs, there isn’t a lot we’re NOT doing here, and we have zero time to do it. The tune from Smoky and the Bandit somehow suggests itself. We just can’t help ourselves, we have to get stuck into it.

Well, he’s a nice enough fella, and he did pass the test we set him at Donington. We had some sympathy with Philip’s position. There are a few drivers enthusiastically doing their best, keen to really have a go, but getting a bum deal. Unfairly criticised by many, accused of things they never actually did, and still coming back for more in a car that they were ripped off with in the first place.

I do very much want to prove that you do not need to spend a lot with the supposed professionals to get something much more than you had. Bolting bits on is not how you do it, you don’t buy speed, it’s more subtle. It’s time that does it, the hours you invest.

Removal of seats, extinguisher, centre console, and then the cage. The cage has to be cut out of the car. This is a bit brave with someone else’s machine, but it has to be done, there is no choice at all. Rear seat and panels out, and then the windows are all carefully masked up and shielded to prevent spark damage, because as a facelift car the stupid screen is bonded in, and I’m not getting into that mess, we don’t have the time. We leave the dash in, but remove the steering column, which still has the steering lock fitted, and that has to go.

Tank removed, and fuel lines and filter dropped off the car to ensure nothing explodes in flame when I get going. Naturally I steal the petrol that was in it. Well, I have to get to work.

Much better now, a blank canvas on which to work.

The extra brackets, crossmembers, seat mounts etc are cut out. The cage is a horror story. Tacked in places, welded to itself in others, random bolts welded to it for no good reason other than that they were probably shaking loose. A sharp blow with a hammer is enough to break some welds. A hammer and chisel take care of others. The bloody great angle grinder makes short work of the rest. And some of the sill. And my trousers. 2000 watts of cutting disc does tend to make its own rules.

The rearmost feet have been crudely slagged to the wheelarch in one spot, and there is some damage removing them, but it’s a worthwhile sacrifice. Removing the nuts we discover that they had been pulled through the wheelarches, the metal was torn, and this 6 point cage was only a 4. Bad. Very, very bad.

For light relief whilst it all cools and the roll cage filler dust settles out of the air, we turn to the gearbox mount. Jack up the box and drop the crossmember. What I’m seeing doesn’t make any sense. The springs are in there, the big fat round plate whatsit is present, it’s all in there, but the box isn’t bolted to any of it. The long stud on the bottom of the box should poke through the hole, big washer, big nut, and that large round foam thing. The stud on the box is very short, it has a home-made nut on it, one nut welded to another, and there’s no sign of whatever that second nut was meant to hold.

It looks as if someone has tried to extend the stud by making a big nut, and screwing another stud in the bottom of it. It could work, I suppose. If it hadn’t broken and ripped itself apart at some point. So that box was located only by the engine mounts, and the prop doing its manful best to keep things in line. Not good. It must have clunked and banged like hell. Though I suppose the upside is that during Philip’s off-road excursions it prevented the sump being damaged as the entire drivetrain bounded up and down like a puppy on amphetamines.

I’m not a fan of this arrangement. I don’t have any spare studs. Come to that I don’t think I have a spanner big enough anyway. The solution is simple. All you need is something rubber or poly in there between box and crossmember. For a D car it just has to have something to prevent it being solid mounted. In theory a piece of inner tube would work, but I’ve never quite subscribed to pushing the rules to that degree. An old poly bush works though. Adapt the crossmember by throwing all the springs, springpan etc away, and weld a piece in with a cup to take the bush, it’s all close enough to the box that the stud pokes through, big washer, nut, done. One nearly-solid gearbox mount, with enough give to be legal and not break the bellhousing. In fact I think that’s better than my own car. Note to self…

Back to the cage fight.

Careful grinding removes the vestiges of weld from the cage. Some tapping and welding and bending, and the damage to the car removing the cage is made good. The rear wheelarches get particular attention, the sills are less critical given the enormous dimensions of the plates we put in there.

New plates for the cage feet are made up. 3mm thick plate, and much bigger than fitted to any non-Kutukan car out there, thicker, wider and taller. Only Mike Cann cages are installed more substantially – take a look at the Jefferys car for details!

Heavy replacements for the seat crossmembers are made up. It takes two days to fit it all, they are big. Really big. Banger car big. The plates that go in to repair and reinforce the rear arches take time, and of course the underseal keeps trying to catch fire, working on road cars is tough.

A spiderweb of seam welding spreads across the interior, because the tank is out and Andrew can’t help himself, some of them are so easy to do.

Cage plates fitted, marked, and drilled. Cage removed, and the last of the sound deadening, carpet fluff and general crap taken out. It is amazing how much of this stuff even the alleged professionals leave in. It’s standard procedure, you can reach into the front of almost any D car and come out with three feet of foam rubber. The more of this out the better, the less there is to burn the happier I am.

New belt mounts welded in under the floor pan, and in the right place, and the first major injury of the build as molten underseal drips into an upturned face peering at its handiwork, it’s touch and go on the eyelid for a while, but that magic burn cream they gave us last time seems to do the job.

Cage refitted, and bolted in, but we will now tie the cage to the shell, as we would a Kutuka car, but in a more limited fashion, because I’m not risking that heat that close to the screen. Even a little adds enormous rigidity to the car, and it’s so easy to do. I know, we complained that the cage was welded to the shell before, but this is not at all the same thing.

Paint, and because we’re closet chavs, it’s not just a tin of hammerite.

Seat back in, thick spreader plates for the bolts, the driver now stands half a chance of feeling what the hell the car is doing.

PART 4 COMING SOON - UPGRADES!